Happy Columbus Day

Happy Syphilitic Moron (Christopher Columbus) Day!

Just a quick post for the holiday, and otherwise say hello. For those of you from somewhere other than the United States: we don't have a lot of holidays here, so nobody's really going to complain about a ridiculous holiday like Columbus day. Like many things in history, our holiday started with a charlatan. Add in some time, some ignorance, and a dose of great depression, and bam! holiday :D

So in light of this holiday, I thought I'd share some fun facts about our friend Columbus.

1. Columbus loved him some rape and some genocide. The genocide was mostly about gold, a sort of "I know you actually have gold, so I'll kill you till you tell me where it is!" kind of thing. He was nothing if not persistent! To be fair, he thought he was on one Indian island or another and that India had gold, ergo the natives were just holding out on him. The rape was just because it was fun, I guess.

2. C.C. and his crew introduced the rest of the world to a fun disease known as syphilis. Bringing a little 'spice' from the new world to the old world, as it were. I think most of us probably wish he hadn't.

3. Columbus was a bit dumb, and also really bad at math. Contrary to the popular story, most people knew that the world was round. Using some basic middle-school math, you can figure out the general size of the earth. In fact, they knew the world was a sphere all the way back in antiquity. Nobody tried sailing that way, because they didn't know there was a continent on the other side of the world. since sailing across the entire Atlantic and Pacific oceans would take several months, any voyage would be suicide. Columbus thought that ships disappeared on the horizon too fast for that, and that the world was about 1/5th the size it actually is, because "math".

4. Columbus never actually landed on North or South America. Just various Caribbean islands that probably wish he hadn't. He spun some tall tales and convinced enough people for more explorers to eventually head that way. Incidentally, he also put the notion of vast quantities of gold being available for the taking, kicking off some other genocides in South America. You know how it is, shenanigans.

5. Columbus actually miscalculated the amount of supplies they'd need based on his tiny-earth travel distance. That first voyage was actually quite close!

Have a happy holiday, or normal Monday, whichever!

o7